There are things, habits and people in our lives that become so dear to us that sometimes we don’t notice when they’re not working out quite in the way they were supposed to.

For example: perhaps your book club has become part of a ‘to-do’ list that only adds up to the things that cause you stress because you’re having trouble scheduling other activities around it. Or, maybe one of your dearest friends is engaged in a conduct pattern that is actually harming you. I could go on and on with the examples. Of course, some examples are more hurtful than others depending on the “attachment” you have with the situation or person.

One day people start to miss sessions of the book club: first one, then three…You feel so disappointed that you’ve lost something you enjoyed so much at first. You may even feel sad or angry. What are you going to do every Thursday at 5 pm now?! How are you going to be able to make a commitment with a book if there is nobody else reading it with whom you can discuss it?

Perhaps one day that dear friend of yours does something that finally makes you say: “I’ve had it!”. You may have an awkward, unpleasant conversation; and afterwards it seem there is no way to repair the bond or keep the friendship. You mourn this loss so much and so deeply that some people might think you’re going through a breakup. You feel as though you won’t ever have another friend again, ever. “Who can be as special as So-and-So, despite his/her recent difficulties?”, you ask yourself.

Until that moment when you realize that you can do other things you enjoy more than the book club. You might even find yourself reading books you had never even considered before, just because you want to read them – not because a whole group approves of it. Your scheduling problems on Thursdays are a thing of the past – you can breathe and enjoy your day now. You realize you’ve always loved reading in outdoor cafés and you make it a point to go there once a week whenever you’re able to and take your book with you. Reading had never felt this good.

You feel happy when you wake up in the morning. That permanent knot in your lower back is gone. When you meditate your friend’s face, along with his/her last ‘drama’, no longer interrupts your thoughts. You feel free. Everywhere you feel that the atmosphere is lighter, clearer and much healthier. Wow, you think, I never realized how much So-and-So’s conduct was affecting me. Then one day, you start making conversation with a very pleasant woman who loves pasta as much as you do and before you notice you’re bonding over a cook book you both want to buy.

If you have read this far, you already know what the lesson is. Sometimes it may hurt really bad, or shake the very foundations of your life, but when anything falls apart it’s usually to make room for bigger, better things. Don’t cling to ruins and start building anew. There’s no time to waste. In the meantime, if you have any experiences of the ‘things falling apart only to be replaced by better things’ kind, and you wish to share them with me, please don’t hesitate to do so at docbeverly@aol.com.